How to Teach the Children (Part III)

I have to admit when I was about a year away from having a teenager in the house I was a little worried I might not be up to the task, but now that it's here, I can honestly say it's really not as bad as people make it out to be.  Granted I have raised my teenager according to everything I've spoken about in this blog so I do have an advantage - the Lord's guidance.   If you already have teens and are just now discovering the ideas in the blog, then you have your work cut out for you.  You'll have just a few short years to show your child that you are a man of your word.  You have to stop analyzing your past, get serious about being a man of God and find out what God's plan for your life is so that you can pass that knowledge over to the next generation - namely your children.
As my children grow, I try my best to give them glimpses of the road map ahead.  I try to tell them where our relationship will go as they grow, but I have to keep it simple, because I don't want them to feel overwhelmed or, (worse) bored.  So I explain it like this:
In the first years of life, my job as a father is to love them but also to firmly establish that my wife and I are the ones who are responsible for their emotional, spiritual, physical and mental growth.  My wife handles most of the emotional growth, but that doesn't exempt me from loving them with soothing words, hugs, kisses, and attention when they need it.  I am the spiritual head of my own household so I must make sure that my children know our God and love our God.  I make sure we are active in church, active in our neighborhood, and active in the Word of God.  I must make sure that my children grow physically by working to bring in an income to support their ravenous intake of food!  Finally, I must be sure to send them off to school and supplement that education with common worldly knowledge that they just won't learn in school.  They need to know how to wash dishes, drive, change a tire, make their bed, etc.

So in those early years, I have to paddle them, yes, but I also have to start them on this long journey.  They do not make their own decisions - my wife and I make them for them - PERIOD.

In the next stage of early childhood, we begin to allow them a few choices such as they are allowed to choose their clothes (with some guidance), they are allowed to have some free time to play as they choose, etc.  For the most part we still hover over them to make sure they are not taking advantage of what little freedom they have.

Now as teenagers, I have told my son that he is going to have to begin making real choices because he will have more freedom.  He knows and understands that his freedom comes with responsibility.  We allow the strings to become slack, but if he fails in his responsibilities we reel in that slack again.  He has already learned this the hard way several times, but he has learned not to make the same mistake twice.  I know what you're thinking - "You mean he knows how not to get caught!".  Remember in my earlier blog that I mentioned one act that would get an instant spanking?  Lying is highly discouraged in our home so that it is like second nature to tell the truth even if it comes with some consequences.  Our children understand this so we know we are getting the full picture when he tells us his story.

These teenage years have to become the proving ground of our children's ability to handle their own lives.  We need to begin loosening the reins of parenthood, but strongly guide their actions and remind them constantly that their actions now can bring permanent consequences.  My teen know that having a child at his age will seriously and permanently change his life now.  He knows that going to jail for theft, larceny, violence, etc. will seriously, and negatively change the course of his life.  I reassure my teen that we are still behind him and support him, but remind him that any choices he makes will ultimately hurt or help HIS life, and not so much ours.

Remember that the teenage years are some of the most stressful years of life so its important now, more than ever to shower them with love.  That tough love turns to understanding love and patient love.  Let them make some mistakes.  Let them learn, but be sure to remind them to always look to Christ for guidance above all things in their lives.

Man O God