I have to admit when I was about a year away from having a teenager in the house I was a little worried I might not be up to the task, but now that it's here, I can honestly say it's really not as bad as people make it out to be. Granted I have raised my teenager according to everything I've spoken about in this blog so I do have an advantage - the Lord's guidance. If you already have teens and are just now discovering the ideas in the blog, then you have your work cut out for you. You'll have just a few short years to show your child that you are a man of your word. You have to stop analyzing your past, get serious about being a man of God and find out what God's plan for your life is so that you can pass that knowledge over to the next generation - namely your children.
As my children grow, I try my best to give them glimpses of the road map ahead. I try to tell them where our relationship will go as they grow, but I have to keep it simple, because I don't want them to feel overwhelmed or, (worse) bored. So I explain it like this:
In the first years of life, my job as a father is to love them but also to firmly establish that my wife and I are the ones who are responsible for their emotional, spiritual, physical and mental growth. My wife handles most of the emotional growth, but that doesn't exempt me from loving them with soothing words, hugs, kisses, and attention when they need it. I am the spiritual head of my own household so I must make sure that my children know our God and love our God. I make sure we are active in church, active in our neighborhood, and active in the Word of God. I must make sure that my children grow physically by working to bring in an income to support their ravenous intake of food! Finally, I must be sure to send them off to school and supplement that education with common worldly knowledge that they just won't learn in school. They need to know how to wash dishes, drive, change a tire, make their bed, etc.
So in those early years, I have to paddle them, yes, but I also have to start them on this long journey. They do not make their own decisions - my wife and I make them for them - PERIOD.
In the next stage of early childhood, we begin to allow them a few choices such as they are allowed to choose their clothes (with some guidance), they are allowed to have some free time to play as they choose, etc. For the most part we still hover over them to make sure they are not taking advantage of what little freedom they have.
Now as teenagers, I have told my son that he is going to have to begin making real choices because he will have more freedom. He knows and understands that his freedom comes with responsibility. We allow the strings to become slack, but if he fails in his responsibilities we reel in that slack again. He has already learned this the hard way several times, but he has learned not to make the same mistake twice. I know what you're thinking - "You mean he knows how not to get caught!". Remember in my earlier blog that I mentioned one act that would get an instant spanking? Lying is highly discouraged in our home so that it is like second nature to tell the truth even if it comes with some consequences. Our children understand this so we know we are getting the full picture when he tells us his story.
These teenage years have to become the proving ground of our children's ability to handle their own lives. We need to begin loosening the reins of parenthood, but strongly guide their actions and remind them constantly that their actions now can bring permanent consequences. My teen know that having a child at his age will seriously and permanently change his life now. He knows that going to jail for theft, larceny, violence, etc. will seriously, and negatively change the course of his life. I reassure my teen that we are still behind him and support him, but remind him that any choices he makes will ultimately hurt or help HIS life, and not so much ours.
Remember that the teenage years are some of the most stressful years of life so its important now, more than ever to shower them with love. That tough love turns to understanding love and patient love. Let them make some mistakes. Let them learn, but be sure to remind them to always look to Christ for guidance above all things in their lives.
Man O God
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
How to Teach the Children (Part II)
So you made it past the "terrible two's" huh? Personally, my kids never had terrible two's they somehow created terrible three's though...Anyway, by now you're little one is in the childhood stage which usually runs more or less from the age of 5 through 10. Now, I'm using vague time frames here because each child is different and they tend to mature at various rates depending on how well you handled your fatherly business in part I. If you're still raging at their lack of obedience, stop what you're doing, take a deep breath and give yourself some time to regroup.
By now, you should not have to give too many harsh spankings because your child should know you mean business (if you've been consistent so far). Things get a little less stressful during these years because your child will respect and love you as their daddy because you have clearly set the boundaries in the discipline department.
Remember the word "discipline" is derived from the word "disciple" so you're actually raising little "you's". If you've been molding your life around Christ, then you should be exhibiting Godly behavior and your child will follow your example.
I remember some of the most wonderful times I had was when my first born was around 3 years old. We would be at church, the music would be really kicking! I would take my son to the front and dance around with him. He and I would hold hands and jump around in a little circle to the music. He loved to do that and so did I.
He's now a teenager, but he hasn't forgotten his love for God because that's how I discipled him.
So, back to those childhood years. These years are critical to your child's growth because he or she will be developing their character during these years. It will be up to you to mold them correctly because as they near the teenage years it will be more and more difficult to change their behavior; it will be ingrained into them.
Think of an oak tree for a moment. When it first grows, it's easy to wrap a straight stick around the thin trunk to keep it growing straight and upright. As it grows, the tree begins to form thicker branches and the trunk becomes nearly impossible to shift. It has fully developed the shape of its trunk or foundation and if you try to change it, most likely it will become severely damaged or killed.
This is why those childhood years are also very important. You will need to answer each and every question your child has. Spend time developing your relationship with him or her. Sit down and color with them. Tell them stories and play games. Remember that those things you now take for granted are brand new to them. Those corny old jokes you knew in elementary school are probably funny to them. Those little toys you became bored with as a teenager are GREAT for a little child so break out the jacks and the marbles. And by all means never lie and never allow your child to lie to you.
We have a rule in our home. Whenever I ask a question, our kids are expected to tell the truth no matter how scared they are of the consequences. They know if they tell the truth, I may ground them, or maybe even pardon them with a warning, but if they lie all my kids know it is an AUTOMATIC spanking. No questions asked. This has kept my children out of so much trouble in school and home and with their friends. Their teachers know they can expect honesty from my children so if there is ever a problem, they will approach my kids for accuracy.
Also, be sure to emphasize that love is so, so important in the life of your child. Show them to love those that try to hurt them and pray for those that hate them.
My oldest son once came to me with a bully problem. This one boy would always say mean things to my son and my son came to me with advice. I told him, "Here's what you're going to do son. I want you to take one of those fruit roll-ups from the pantry. Put it in your backpack. Tomorrow when you see this boy, take it out, tell him, "Here this is for you, I forgive you." and give it to him with a smile.
I tell you my son was just as surprised as that boy. His reaction was one of bewilderment and confusion, but he never picked on my son again.
This is because Jesus said, "love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you". If you teach your children these and other lesson from Christ, they will grow strong in character and prosper in all things.
Man O God
By now, you should not have to give too many harsh spankings because your child should know you mean business (if you've been consistent so far). Things get a little less stressful during these years because your child will respect and love you as their daddy because you have clearly set the boundaries in the discipline department.
Remember the word "discipline" is derived from the word "disciple" so you're actually raising little "you's". If you've been molding your life around Christ, then you should be exhibiting Godly behavior and your child will follow your example.
I remember some of the most wonderful times I had was when my first born was around 3 years old. We would be at church, the music would be really kicking! I would take my son to the front and dance around with him. He and I would hold hands and jump around in a little circle to the music. He loved to do that and so did I.
He's now a teenager, but he hasn't forgotten his love for God because that's how I discipled him.
So, back to those childhood years. These years are critical to your child's growth because he or she will be developing their character during these years. It will be up to you to mold them correctly because as they near the teenage years it will be more and more difficult to change their behavior; it will be ingrained into them.
Think of an oak tree for a moment. When it first grows, it's easy to wrap a straight stick around the thin trunk to keep it growing straight and upright. As it grows, the tree begins to form thicker branches and the trunk becomes nearly impossible to shift. It has fully developed the shape of its trunk or foundation and if you try to change it, most likely it will become severely damaged or killed.
This is why those childhood years are also very important. You will need to answer each and every question your child has. Spend time developing your relationship with him or her. Sit down and color with them. Tell them stories and play games. Remember that those things you now take for granted are brand new to them. Those corny old jokes you knew in elementary school are probably funny to them. Those little toys you became bored with as a teenager are GREAT for a little child so break out the jacks and the marbles. And by all means never lie and never allow your child to lie to you.
We have a rule in our home. Whenever I ask a question, our kids are expected to tell the truth no matter how scared they are of the consequences. They know if they tell the truth, I may ground them, or maybe even pardon them with a warning, but if they lie all my kids know it is an AUTOMATIC spanking. No questions asked. This has kept my children out of so much trouble in school and home and with their friends. Their teachers know they can expect honesty from my children so if there is ever a problem, they will approach my kids for accuracy.
Also, be sure to emphasize that love is so, so important in the life of your child. Show them to love those that try to hurt them and pray for those that hate them.
My oldest son once came to me with a bully problem. This one boy would always say mean things to my son and my son came to me with advice. I told him, "Here's what you're going to do son. I want you to take one of those fruit roll-ups from the pantry. Put it in your backpack. Tomorrow when you see this boy, take it out, tell him, "Here this is for you, I forgive you." and give it to him with a smile.
I tell you my son was just as surprised as that boy. His reaction was one of bewilderment and confusion, but he never picked on my son again.
This is because Jesus said, "love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you". If you teach your children these and other lesson from Christ, they will grow strong in character and prosper in all things.
Man O God
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
How to Teach the Children (part I)
When I first thought about writing on discipline with children I thought I would write a few things, but the more I thought about it, I decided it was going to be more of a task that I first expected. I'm going to split this topic up into four segments dealing with four different aspects of discipline. Because children go through different stages in life. These four stages are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and transition.
Today I'll cover (probably) the most important stage - infancy. While some experts may beg to differ with me on this subject, I'll stand firm on my belief because I have lived through it successfully with five children. It has become something of an expectation whenever we go to a restaurant, store, or other public place that, almost without fail, someone randomly walks up to my wife or I and says, "Are these all YOUR children?! They are so well behaved!" We smile proudly, say, "Thank you" and give God all the credit for his teaching. You may be asking right about now, "Okay what's the trick?"
No trick. You have to be able to read God's Word, apply it to your life and be consistent in everything you say and do in your life.
I remember taking my son's (we only had two at the time) to my mother's house. My oldest was about 22 months old and tended to get a little spoiled whenever we visited. I would start my discipline routine...whenever my child gets out of line I have a three strike rule:
Well for those of your that are folding your arms and puckering your lips in disgust I have this for you. My mom and her husband, my late step-father once pulled me aside and told me that they disagreed with my methods and that I was not to raise my voice or spank my children at their house (true story ask my mom :-)) So for a couple of months I would not raise a finger to discipline them at their home. It wasn't long before my kids realized they had full reign of the house and began to destroy it. They quickly changed their minds about the discipline and I said, "Thank you. I'll take care of this now" My mom will be the first to defend my actions whenever someone says they don't think its right.
The infancy/toddler years are going to be trying for a father. These children WILL test you. Be ready for it. Every one of my children tried (and failed) to find ways to manipulate me and my wife. They watch everything you do and they remember almost as much!
Once my children figured out that I meant business and ALWAYS followed through, it was only a matter of time before the next one fell in line because the older siblings would talk to the "newbie" and say things like, "Oh boy you're gonna get it now" or "Wait till dad hears about this".
My children always tried this at public places because they figured I couldn't spank them in public without making a scene. Here's what I would do:
Whenever my child would begin throwing a fit at the table at a restaraunt or store, I would use the three strike rule unless they started screaming at the top of their lungs. You'll see this a couple of times. NEVER EVER reward this type of behavior by giving your child what they want or giving them candies and such. If you do they will continue to do it over and over again. Anyway, I would calmly stand up from my chair without an expression on my face. No anger, no yelling, no sudden movements. Calmly picked up my screaming, kicking toddler and walked briskly to the restroom. Once inside I would pick stall, stand my child up, stoop or squat down and very firmly point a finger saying, "Now YOU listen to ME. You will stop this RIGHT NOW or I will give you a good spanking for it do you understand?!" Wait for a response. "Now why are going to wait here until you stop this screaming/crying and then we are going to go back outside. You are going to sit in your chair, eat your food, and not say another word until you finish are we clear?! Good. now let's wipe your face and clean you up. Are you ready now? Okay." The looks on people's faces in the restaraunt was priceless. The awe spoke volumes. I would came back, sit my child down, place a napkin over their lap and sit down next to them to eat. Its funny thinking about it now, but at the time I took it very seriously.
While I can go on about my adventures with my toddlers, I can't fit it all into this posting. The main thing to remember is that your infant needs to get used to the sound of your voice so that he/she can recognize when you are not pleased about something. You should never spank an infant because they will not comprehend why they are feeling pain and also you will most definitely cause an injury. Toddlers, however, do understand and will purposefully attempt to gauge how much they can get away with. Believe it or not children will appreciate those boundries and will come to love and respect you for it. Here are a few rules for if and when you ever have to dole it out:
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proberbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Got comments? Let 'em rip.
Man O God
Today I'll cover (probably) the most important stage - infancy. While some experts may beg to differ with me on this subject, I'll stand firm on my belief because I have lived through it successfully with five children. It has become something of an expectation whenever we go to a restaurant, store, or other public place that, almost without fail, someone randomly walks up to my wife or I and says, "Are these all YOUR children?! They are so well behaved!" We smile proudly, say, "Thank you" and give God all the credit for his teaching. You may be asking right about now, "Okay what's the trick?"
No trick. You have to be able to read God's Word, apply it to your life and be consistent in everything you say and do in your life.
I remember taking my son's (we only had two at the time) to my mother's house. My oldest was about 22 months old and tended to get a little spoiled whenever we visited. I would start my discipline routine...whenever my child gets out of line I have a three strike rule:
- The first offense - A very mild, but firm "No. don't do that/touch that/go there"
- The second offense - A stern and louder "No! I told you not to do that/touch that/go there!"
- The third offense - A VERY vocal, "NO! NO! NO! If you keep on next time you will get it!"
- The fourth offense - I take my child to a private place (the next room, the bathroom, etc) and the get a spanking. I would always use either a belt or a paddle, but never my hand.
Well for those of your that are folding your arms and puckering your lips in disgust I have this for you. My mom and her husband, my late step-father once pulled me aside and told me that they disagreed with my methods and that I was not to raise my voice or spank my children at their house (true story ask my mom :-)) So for a couple of months I would not raise a finger to discipline them at their home. It wasn't long before my kids realized they had full reign of the house and began to destroy it. They quickly changed their minds about the discipline and I said, "Thank you. I'll take care of this now" My mom will be the first to defend my actions whenever someone says they don't think its right.
The infancy/toddler years are going to be trying for a father. These children WILL test you. Be ready for it. Every one of my children tried (and failed) to find ways to manipulate me and my wife. They watch everything you do and they remember almost as much!
Once my children figured out that I meant business and ALWAYS followed through, it was only a matter of time before the next one fell in line because the older siblings would talk to the "newbie" and say things like, "Oh boy you're gonna get it now" or "Wait till dad hears about this".
My children always tried this at public places because they figured I couldn't spank them in public without making a scene. Here's what I would do:
Whenever my child would begin throwing a fit at the table at a restaraunt or store, I would use the three strike rule unless they started screaming at the top of their lungs. You'll see this a couple of times. NEVER EVER reward this type of behavior by giving your child what they want or giving them candies and such. If you do they will continue to do it over and over again. Anyway, I would calmly stand up from my chair without an expression on my face. No anger, no yelling, no sudden movements. Calmly picked up my screaming, kicking toddler and walked briskly to the restroom. Once inside I would pick stall, stand my child up, stoop or squat down and very firmly point a finger saying, "Now YOU listen to ME. You will stop this RIGHT NOW or I will give you a good spanking for it do you understand?!" Wait for a response. "Now why are going to wait here until you stop this screaming/crying and then we are going to go back outside. You are going to sit in your chair, eat your food, and not say another word until you finish are we clear?! Good. now let's wipe your face and clean you up. Are you ready now? Okay." The looks on people's faces in the restaraunt was priceless. The awe spoke volumes. I would came back, sit my child down, place a napkin over their lap and sit down next to them to eat. Its funny thinking about it now, but at the time I took it very seriously.
While I can go on about my adventures with my toddlers, I can't fit it all into this posting. The main thing to remember is that your infant needs to get used to the sound of your voice so that he/she can recognize when you are not pleased about something. You should never spank an infant because they will not comprehend why they are feeling pain and also you will most definitely cause an injury. Toddlers, however, do understand and will purposefully attempt to gauge how much they can get away with. Believe it or not children will appreciate those boundries and will come to love and respect you for it. Here are a few rules for if and when you ever have to dole it out:
- Never spank out of anger or frustration. Give yourself time to calm down so you can explain why they are receiving such a punishment.
- Always follow through; if you said you would do it then do it. Don't back down because they will see you as a pushover or worse - not a man of your word.
- Always shower your child with love even after a spanking so they know you love them dispite the harsh punishment. I always had a mental rule that for every spanking I had to give I would give 10 times as many hugs, kisses, and "I love you's" in any combination.
- Always be mindful that you spank only on the bottom. Never slap, pinch, kick, punch or spank on other body parts. The buttocks is full of cushion (that's why we can spend so much time on it! ;-)) so take your time and do it right
- Never let anyone make you feel guilty about spanking. These are your children and only you know how best to deal with them.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proberbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Got comments? Let 'em rip.
Man O God
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Were you planning on sleeping?
I hope I'm not scaring you, it doesn't last forever so don't freak out (yet). The main things to keep in mind are that if your baby cries all hours of the night its pretty normal. Too many new parent spend hard earned money taking a perfectly health baby to the emergency room because they feared their baby was in pain or something unnatural was occuring. While there are a few cases where emergency room care may be necessary, the vast majority of crying babies need only a few things: food, rest, changing, and love. Here's a list of things to check on when junior start wailing at 2am in the morning:
First check to make sure babies diaper doesn't need to be changed. This is done simply by sticking your finger inside the diaper and feeling for moisture or (eww) goo. Yes you're going to get your hands dirty so you'd better get used to it mom and dad! Okay here's a little bit of info my wife won't want me to share...She had no earthly idea how to care for a baby when she became a mommy the first time. Since I was usually babysitting my little sisters, I had a pretty good idea how to deal with newborn baby problems.
Secondly, carefully lift your baby and be sure to support his or head little head because they don't have much control over their muscles at this early age and if you allow your little one's head to droop they can get a neck inury. Now softly lay baby's head over your shoulder (you may want to put a bib over your pj's) and softly pat your baby's back. Make some soothing noises like "there there" or "shhh shhh shhh shh" any soft comforting noise will do. Most of the time one of these two methods will get baby quiet and sleeping again in no time.
If however, your baby continues to wail at the top of their cute little lungs (I know they don't seem too cute screaming at 3 am) then it may be time for food. Just in case somebody out there is really, really new to this, newborn babies only drink breastmilk or special baby formula. DO NOT EVER give newborns solid food or even regular milk during those first few weeks. Newborns have a very sensitive stomach for the first few weeks so unless you have 5 or 6 days and nights to spare staying up with a cholicy or very sick baby, stick to baby formula and/or breastmilk (Women ONLY dad. I don't care what you saw on Family Guy!)
Remember when I said you need to pray for your baby while it is in the womb? Well now it is time to pray for you and the rest of the family. Your patience will be tried dad! It's going to be tough, but you're not the first person to miss out of a full nights sleep over a crying baby. Get over it and soon enough he or she will be getting into one of those normal baby sleeping routines in no time.
There are going to be cases when you try just about everything and junior will just continue to scream and scream until all hours of the night. Give it a few nights. Your baby may just have a bad night or two. However, if you're baby cries abnormally loud or cries continually no matter what, then carefull check your baby for any injuries like bruising or deformities. In some rare cases, babies may become injured and it becomes necessary to take them in to the ER immediately.
Alright I think I've frightened you enough now. Here's the good stuff to remember about your newborn son(s) or daughter(s):
- They are a blessing from the Lord.
- When your baby finally opens his or her eyes you and your spouse will be the first one(s) to see those beautiful baby eyes.
- A baby's smile is absolutely breath-taking!
- Enjoy singing, reading, talking, and walking with your newborn.
- If the weather isn't bad take your newborn for a stroller ride but make sure they are bundled up even in warmer weather because newborns don't regulate their body temperature too well the first few weeks.
- Its okay to play with your newborn. Even when they appear to be sleeping they may be awake and aware so talk, laugh, play with their hands and feet and just love on them as much as you want.
- Newborns form bonds with their parents during these first months so make sure to have as much skin to skin contact as possible like rubbing your cheeks together or kissing baby's belly.
Above all, pray, pray, pray over your baby, your fatherhood and your spouse so that God's hand will be over your newest family member in all things.
Enjoy.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
...and it starts.
So she's pregnant now you say? Wow! Congratulations. As simple as it may seem, many couples, sadly, cannot get to that point and it becomes a major source of distress, anxiety, and sorrow in their marriages. If you, however, have been blessed with the good news that she is expecting, don't hesitate to jump for joy. Yeah, that's right, stop reading this and just JUMP FOR JOY!
Now I don't care what science says about "fetus", "development", and "stages", that is YOUR baby. As such, you have an obligation to pray daily for the physical, emotional, and spiritual growth of your baby even inside the womb.
I can honestly tell you that those nine months of my wife's first pregnancy were tough on my knees because I was on them daily and sometimes hourly. I remember praying earnestly for God's favor over my unborn child and my wife. I remember asking God to make him grow according to His plan. I recall speaking to my wife's tummy as she lay in bed reading or sleeping.
I was rather new to the "Christian thing" but I knew that I needed to pray constantly for the growth of my (soon to be) son.
So I say to you that all blessings and cursings begin now for you who have been chosen to raise that child (or children). Every word you speak will bring curses or blessings to your unborn child, to your spouse, and upon yourself. Speak words of encouragement to your spouse and your unborn child. Their little brains will develop with those words and they will live them out after they are born.
Your words have more power than you know. Even science is beginning to acknowledge this idea. In a profound experiment by a Japanese scientist named Masaro Emoto, it was discovered that words had an extraordinary effect on water. They took bottles of water and divided them into groups. In one group they spoke good and encouraging words towards the water bottles. In another group they spoke foul words in anger tones. Then the water was frozen and the crystals that were produced by the "good" water were beautiful and colorful, while the crystals formed by the "bad" water failed to even crystallize.
Now if our bodies are made of up to 60% water, don't you think that words could have a profound effect on us?
Take the time to speak words that say "I love you", "You are valuable", "You matter to me", "You give my life meaning" and other similar phrases. Say them with love and with meaning and watch your words work miracles. Remember God created the universe using His words so sound is the most powerful energy we have at our disposal.
As you paint your nursery, plan your baby shower, shop for baby clothes, and pick out baby furniture, remember to pray daily over your spouse and your unborn child. Also remember to speak words of love and encouragement out loud where you, your spouse, your unborn child and the rest of your family can receive blessings from God and your heart.
Oh and don't forget to take your prenatals! ;-)
Now I don't care what science says about "fetus", "development", and "stages", that is YOUR baby. As such, you have an obligation to pray daily for the physical, emotional, and spiritual growth of your baby even inside the womb.
I can honestly tell you that those nine months of my wife's first pregnancy were tough on my knees because I was on them daily and sometimes hourly. I remember praying earnestly for God's favor over my unborn child and my wife. I remember asking God to make him grow according to His plan. I recall speaking to my wife's tummy as she lay in bed reading or sleeping.
I was rather new to the "Christian thing" but I knew that I needed to pray constantly for the growth of my (soon to be) son.
So I say to you that all blessings and cursings begin now for you who have been chosen to raise that child (or children). Every word you speak will bring curses or blessings to your unborn child, to your spouse, and upon yourself. Speak words of encouragement to your spouse and your unborn child. Their little brains will develop with those words and they will live them out after they are born.
Your words have more power than you know. Even science is beginning to acknowledge this idea. In a profound experiment by a Japanese scientist named Masaro Emoto, it was discovered that words had an extraordinary effect on water. They took bottles of water and divided them into groups. In one group they spoke good and encouraging words towards the water bottles. In another group they spoke foul words in anger tones. Then the water was frozen and the crystals that were produced by the "good" water were beautiful and colorful, while the crystals formed by the "bad" water failed to even crystallize.
Now if our bodies are made of up to 60% water, don't you think that words could have a profound effect on us?
Take the time to speak words that say "I love you", "You are valuable", "You matter to me", "You give my life meaning" and other similar phrases. Say them with love and with meaning and watch your words work miracles. Remember God created the universe using His words so sound is the most powerful energy we have at our disposal.
As you paint your nursery, plan your baby shower, shop for baby clothes, and pick out baby furniture, remember to pray daily over your spouse and your unborn child. Also remember to speak words of love and encouragement out loud where you, your spouse, your unborn child and the rest of your family can receive blessings from God and your heart.
Oh and don't forget to take your prenatals! ;-)
Friday, April 1, 2011
Procreation
I was thinking about skipping this step and heading straight for the pregnancy stage, but I figured since it is a major contributor to becoming a father I should at least touch on it. Procreation is the physical act of making a baby...okay I might have to spell it out - sex. As uncomfortable as some may be with the subject, it really isn't quite as taboo as many people think. The Bible has quite a bit to say on the subject.
Many a red-faced Sunday school teacher has had to explain tongue-in-cheek to some 3rd grader when stumbling upon verses like Matthew 5:28 or Proverbs 5:18-19. So there's no confusion, sex, when performed with one's legal spouse can and should be a wonderful experience.
Several things can make the experience uncomfortable, undesirable, or even sometimes impossible. Everything from infidelity to physical impediments to mental blocks can cause sex to fall short of expectations for one partner or the other. I'll give some tips on helping with some of the more common causes of sexual dysfunction, but there are some that may require professional help.
Promiscuity and infidelity are two of the most prevalent sex dampers. There is nothing more flattening to making love than the image of your husband or wife having at it with another person. Although the Bible is clear that infidelity is one of three cases where divorce is allowable, it is not a necessity. This means that with the help of the Holy Spirit, your marriage can and will be healed from promiscuity and infidelity. It take God, time, patience, and lots and lots of love to overcome a cheating spirit in your husband or wife. Without getting into details, I can only say that I know from experience that God can and will work a miracle in your marriage if you allow Him to.
Mental blocks are another problem that can be a barricade to parenthood. If you are stressed from work, household worries, school, other children, money, or a whole host of other issues, you will not enjoy your spouse during those intimate moments. The worst part is that your spouse can probably sense it as well and they will not enjoy the encounter either. If this is a common problem in your marriage, take a 5 to 15 minutes before you go to bed to pray with your spouse earnestly. Ask God to clear your heart, your mind, and your body to prepare for a wonderful time with your spouse. Hold hands while you pray and tell God how much you appreciate the man or woman He's given you. Make bold open statements about the things your spouse does. It's okay to brag on your man or your woman to God. He or she is God's child remember? Who doesn't like to hear people brag on their kids?
Physical complications can be a real source of frustration for parents-to-be. These kinds of complications can be associated with pain, discomfort, embarrassment, and even injury in some extreme cases. While I can't touch on every possible scenario, I can honestly say that God still has a plan for you and your spouse. Although it may seem easy to blame God for the problem, avoid it all costs. If you find yourself blaming God, pray to him. Open your heart to Him. Don't hold back He knows your thoughts anyway so might as well voice them out loud so He can help heal you. Tell God you and your spouse will do everything possible and then allow God to do the impossible. Personally I don't approve of any drug, but I won't tell other people not to follow a doctor's prescription if they have no convictions over them. Ultimately your goal should be to conceive according to God's plan for your marriage. Seek God for guidance, wisdom, and patience in whatever circumstance you and your spouse are dealing with but above all do it in love. Do not blame God, your spouse, or yourself for those physical issues, instead look for the good in your trial.
The miracle that takes place at conception is beyond words. Simply know that it should always be viewed as a miracle. Enjoy your spouse in your lovemaking and thank God for him or her afterwards. It may seem awkward at first saying "Thank you Jesus" after you've made love, but after a while it just seems right.
Many a red-faced Sunday school teacher has had to explain tongue-in-cheek to some 3rd grader when stumbling upon verses like Matthew 5:28 or Proverbs 5:18-19. So there's no confusion, sex, when performed with one's legal spouse can and should be a wonderful experience.
Several things can make the experience uncomfortable, undesirable, or even sometimes impossible. Everything from infidelity to physical impediments to mental blocks can cause sex to fall short of expectations for one partner or the other. I'll give some tips on helping with some of the more common causes of sexual dysfunction, but there are some that may require professional help.
Promiscuity and infidelity are two of the most prevalent sex dampers. There is nothing more flattening to making love than the image of your husband or wife having at it with another person. Although the Bible is clear that infidelity is one of three cases where divorce is allowable, it is not a necessity. This means that with the help of the Holy Spirit, your marriage can and will be healed from promiscuity and infidelity. It take God, time, patience, and lots and lots of love to overcome a cheating spirit in your husband or wife. Without getting into details, I can only say that I know from experience that God can and will work a miracle in your marriage if you allow Him to.
Mental blocks are another problem that can be a barricade to parenthood. If you are stressed from work, household worries, school, other children, money, or a whole host of other issues, you will not enjoy your spouse during those intimate moments. The worst part is that your spouse can probably sense it as well and they will not enjoy the encounter either. If this is a common problem in your marriage, take a 5 to 15 minutes before you go to bed to pray with your spouse earnestly. Ask God to clear your heart, your mind, and your body to prepare for a wonderful time with your spouse. Hold hands while you pray and tell God how much you appreciate the man or woman He's given you. Make bold open statements about the things your spouse does. It's okay to brag on your man or your woman to God. He or she is God's child remember? Who doesn't like to hear people brag on their kids?
Physical complications can be a real source of frustration for parents-to-be. These kinds of complications can be associated with pain, discomfort, embarrassment, and even injury in some extreme cases. While I can't touch on every possible scenario, I can honestly say that God still has a plan for you and your spouse. Although it may seem easy to blame God for the problem, avoid it all costs. If you find yourself blaming God, pray to him. Open your heart to Him. Don't hold back He knows your thoughts anyway so might as well voice them out loud so He can help heal you. Tell God you and your spouse will do everything possible and then allow God to do the impossible. Personally I don't approve of any drug, but I won't tell other people not to follow a doctor's prescription if they have no convictions over them. Ultimately your goal should be to conceive according to God's plan for your marriage. Seek God for guidance, wisdom, and patience in whatever circumstance you and your spouse are dealing with but above all do it in love. Do not blame God, your spouse, or yourself for those physical issues, instead look for the good in your trial.
The miracle that takes place at conception is beyond words. Simply know that it should always be viewed as a miracle. Enjoy your spouse in your lovemaking and thank God for him or her afterwards. It may seem awkward at first saying "Thank you Jesus" after you've made love, but after a while it just seems right.
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