The suffix "Jr." is not uncommon. As a matter of fact, in my community it's probably more common than uncommon. What father wouldn't want to name a son after his own name? It's a proud moment when you hold your own son or daughter in your hands. You've heard many people say things like, "He's a chip off the old block", or "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree", or even "He's a split image of his father (or her mother)". Yet in all the ways that your son or daughter may look, talk, or act just like you, there is still one fundamental difference - that child is still his or her own person!
Your child will eventually form his or her own ideas, opinions, beliefs, and make their own decisions. Those things will not always conform to your own. If your child always did exactly as you do, then they really would not be your son or daughter, they would just be a mirror image or a carbon copy of you. Although some people would like to think it would be a good idea to have another them, when you really think about it, it would actually be quite a nightmare. Imagine if you had absolutely no surprises because you already knew what they were thinking all the time. There is no joy in having children that do exactly what you tell them to do every day, every week, every year.
When they finally do make a decision that is contrary to what you know or believe, it is going to cause some conflict. You are going to want it done like this and they are going to want to do it like that. You will insist that you know what you're doing, and they will insist that they can do it better. Then the fight starts, or you may even punish them for their creativity. There will be times when you have every right to stand your ground like in cases of crime, drugs, homework, and the like. Most of the other times however, you have to give a little room for them to become who God created them to be.
It may be painful to think of the inevitable, that one day your little birds will fly off on their own to start nests of their very own, but it is reality. I once heard someone say, "Pick your battles wisely". I've had to follow my own advice on a daily basis with my teenager. I don't always choose wisely, but I'm still learning and will continue to learn.
I don't like the hairstyles my children choose because I've been in the military too long. I used to cut my boys' hair. Every haircut was the same - high and tight. At first they didn't say anything except "ouch" when I accidentally pulled their hair, but after a while they all began to slowly protest to mom that they didn't want their hair cut by dad anymore. At first I was hurt. "What's wrong with my haircuts?", I would ask my wife. When my oldest began to slop handfuls of hair gel onto his head and looking like Martin Short's Saturday Night Live character, Ed Grimley, I discouraged him with negative comments. It didn't take long before I felt that tap on my shoulder. It was the Holy Spirit convicting me that I was doing the wrong thing.
Although I didn't approve of his hair style, there was nothing intrinsically wrong with it. He wasn't going to go out and slash tires, break bottles, or burn someone's house down. He was just finding a way to express himself as an individual. I was reminded of Joseph and his coat of many colors. His brothers didn't actually hate the coat, they were jealous that he had something they didn't. I began to wonder if I wasn't a bit jealous that my son has his youth and the wonder that comes with it.
As your children grow and begin to reveal themselves to the world through their dress, their hair, the music they like and the art they create, be responsive but not reactive. Respond to what they do with love and nurturing care. Be quick to listen and slow to criticize. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you recognize when their behavior should be corrected, when it should be encouraged, and when you should be cautious. Yes I said cautious. There will be times when your children will do things that are not necessarily hurtful, negative, or bad in and of themselves, but you'll need to sit back and carefully watch and gentle guide in the right path. If you're in tune with Christ by reading his word, the Bible on a daily basis, then you should have the Holy Spirit to help you recognize negative trends in your children.
Need an example? Eventually kids will want attend a party or get-together hosted by one of their friends. You'll need to know who their friends are and know who their parents are. Don't hold them back unless you begin to question what will be going on at these parties. It is not only your right to investigate the matter, but also your obligation as a parent to protect your child from the influence of drugs, alcohol, crime, and other children or adults that are in troublesome situations. Never hesitate to drive to a place where you know your child is participating in any of these things. They may become angry, say terrible things, and carry a grudge for a while, but in the end they will see that you loved them enough to care about them. They will learn to respect you and cherish your guidance.
Remember you are called to be a parent not a friend to your children. Don't give in to try to be that "cool" dad just because you are trying to get in good with your child. They don't need another friend who won't protect their mind, their body, and their soul. They need a parent who will discipline, correct, love, and care for every part of them and lead them always to the throne of God.
Finally, don't be angry or upset if your children grow up with no interest in sports, or cars, or whatever it is you happen to like. They may pretend to enjoy these things because they have a desire to please you, but deep inside they really don't care at all for some of your favorite things. Give them the opportunity to say no to basketball games or changing the oil if you know they have no interest. Find out what they like and try showing some interest in those things from time to time. Have fun exploring your child's imagination and thoughts.
Man O God
No comments:
Post a Comment