End of the World as We Know It?

Today, so many people sat at the edge of their seat awaiting judgement day.  According to a false prophet named, Harold Camping, who by the way doesn't mind being called a false prophet, today, May 21, 2011 was the day that Christ would return to earth while a massive earthquake put everyone else to horrific torment.  Well, as with every doomsday date setter before, he was wrong.  Unfortunately, many people believed in him and will continue to believe his stories and will continue to throw money at him for the rest of their lives.

So what does this tell us?  How can this help us learn about ourselves, God, our family, and the world?  Funny you should ask.  I believe God always uses things that Satan intends for evil, shapes them and brings about good things for those who diligently seek Him in all things.  So how can we come away with something from these false teachings?

Well what if not today, but tomorrow is the end of the world?  what if it's next week or the month after that?  One thing I can tell you is that the world as you and I know it will cease to exist one day.  Actually within the next 130 or so years my world and your world will end.  I'm not saying the earth, but your world.  When I close my eyes on this earth and take my last breath my world will end here and will begin in another place.  The same goes for you.

As humans, we tend to think about the here and now more than anything that isn't tangible.  We tend to forgo the future for superficial gains in the present.  Much like the grasshopper in the story of the ant and the grasshopper, we feel like everything is great now.  Everything is as it should be so let's eat, drink, and be merry.  Well, I have news for you, nothing lasts forever.

Eventually you, I, and every other soul in this world will stand before the great white throne of judgement to give an account of our lives.  We will be asked if we had a relationship with the Son of God, Jesus.  We will be asked if we were obedient and faithful to the King of kings and Lord or lords.  Then they will search for our names in the Book of Life and if your name is not to be found, you will be cast into utter darkness without the love, guidance, or protection of God for all eternity.

Thus we need to be prepared.  As fathers, we need to ask God to teach us to obey his Word in every area of our lives.  We need to teach our children to obey God's Word and to teach others to do the same.  Your children will never listen, however, if you do not hold yourself to the standards you teach so don't expect to drop off your kids at Sunday school and pick them up as saints because it doesn't work like that.  Your children will likely mimic your words and your actions as they grow.  They are very observant and will catch even things you think they didn't see.  This means you need to guard your heart at all times.

Granted there will be times when you are not in control of your thoughts or actions such as when you dream, but the moment you wake you'll need to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ".  This means understanding that there was an attack on your mind throughout your dream and you must repent and ask God to cleanse you from any unrighteousness.  Don't hesitate or it will consume you.

As we wait for the glorious day of the Lord and ignore those who claim to have special insight as to the specific day that will occur, remember to always live your life as if it were your last.  If you close this window and suddenly succumb to a heart attack or aneurysm, where will you spend eternity?  Will you regret your decision to live for your own self gratification?  Will you regret your neglect of God's Word?  Don't gamble with your soul.  It is the only thing God has given you that you have control over - your freewill.  Your children will thank you for being a true man of God and teaching them His ways.

Man O God

They Are Not You

The suffix "Jr." is not uncommon.  As a matter of fact, in my community it's probably more common than uncommon.  What father wouldn't want to name a son after his own name?  It's a proud moment when you hold your own son or daughter in your hands.  You've heard many people say things like, "He's a chip off the old block", or "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree", or even "He's a split image of his father (or her mother)".  Yet in all the ways that your son or daughter may look, talk, or act just like you, there is still one fundamental difference - that child is still his or her own person!

Your child will eventually form his or her own ideas, opinions, beliefs, and make their own decisions.  Those things will not always conform to your own.  If your child always did exactly as you do, then they really would not be your son or daughter, they would just be a mirror image or a carbon copy of you.  Although some people would like to think it would be a good idea to have another them, when you really think about it, it would actually be quite a nightmare.  Imagine if you had absolutely no surprises because you already knew what they were thinking all the time.  There is no joy in having children that do exactly what you tell them to do every day, every week, every year.

When they finally do make a decision that is contrary to what you know or believe, it is going to cause some conflict.  You are going to want it done like this and they are going to want to do it like that.  You will insist that you know what you're doing, and they will insist that they can do it better.  Then the fight starts, or you may even punish them for their creativity.  There will be times when you have every right to stand your ground like in cases of crime, drugs, homework, and the like.  Most of the other times however, you have to give a little room for them to become who God created them to be.

It may be painful to think of the inevitable, that one day your little birds will fly off on their own to start nests of their very own, but it is reality.  I once heard someone say, "Pick your battles wisely".  I've had to follow my own advice on a daily basis with my teenager.  I don't always choose wisely, but I'm still learning and will continue to learn.

I don't like the hairstyles my children choose because I've been in the military too long.  I used to cut my boys' hair.  Every haircut was the same - high and tight.  At first they didn't say anything except "ouch" when I accidentally pulled their hair, but after a while they all began to slowly protest to mom that they didn't want their hair cut by dad anymore.  At first I was hurt.  "What's wrong with my haircuts?", I would ask my wife.  When my oldest began to slop handfuls of hair gel onto his head and looking like Martin Short's Saturday Night Live character, Ed Grimley, I discouraged him with negative comments.  It didn't take long before I felt that tap on my shoulder. It was the Holy Spirit convicting me that I was doing the wrong thing.

Although I didn't approve of his hair style, there was nothing intrinsically wrong with it.  He wasn't going to go out and slash tires, break bottles, or burn someone's house down.  He was just finding a way to express himself as an individual.  I was reminded of Joseph and his coat of many colors.  His brothers didn't actually hate the coat, they were jealous that he had something they didn't.  I began to wonder if I wasn't a bit jealous that my son has his youth and the wonder that comes with it.

As your children grow and begin to reveal themselves to the world through their dress, their hair, the music they like and the art they create, be responsive but not reactive.  Respond to what they do with love and nurturing care.  Be quick to listen and slow to criticize.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you recognize when their behavior should be corrected, when it should be encouraged, and when you should be cautious.  Yes I said cautious.  There will be times when your children will do things that are not necessarily hurtful, negative, or bad in and of themselves, but you'll need to sit back and carefully watch and gentle guide in the right path.  If you're in tune with Christ by reading his word, the Bible on a daily basis, then you should have the Holy Spirit to help you recognize negative trends in your children.

Need an example?  Eventually kids will want attend a party or get-together hosted by one of their friends.  You'll need to know who their friends are and know who their parents are.  Don't hold them back unless you begin to question what will be going on at these parties.  It is not only your right to investigate the matter, but also your obligation as a parent to protect your child from the influence of drugs, alcohol, crime, and other children or adults that are in troublesome situations.  Never hesitate to drive to a place where you know your child is participating in any of these things.  They may become angry, say terrible things, and carry a grudge for a while, but in the end they will see that you loved them enough to care about them.  They will learn to respect you and cherish your guidance.

Remember you are called to be a parent not a friend to your children.  Don't give in to try to be that "cool" dad just because you are trying to get in good with your child.  They don't need another friend who won't protect their mind, their body, and their soul.  They need a parent who will discipline, correct, love, and care for every part of them and lead them always to the throne of God.

Finally, don't be angry or upset if your children grow up with no interest in sports, or cars, or whatever it is you happen to like.  They may pretend to enjoy these things because they have a desire to please you, but deep inside they really don't care at all for some of your favorite things.  Give them the opportunity to say no to basketball games or changing the oil if you know they have no interest.  Find out what they like and try showing some interest in those things from time to time.  Have fun exploring your child's imagination and thoughts.

Man O God

What's in it for me?

I'm going to hold off on part IV (4) of How to Teach the Children for a while because right about now, someone out there is thinking, "How is all this parenting going to make me happy?"  It seems human beings for the most part live in very selfish worlds where everything seems to revolve around "me".  Telling a young father that his role is to sacrifice himself can be pretty heart wrenching so I'll go easy on the explanation in way everyone can understand.

There was once a very greedy man who heard of a rumor that there was a goose that laid golden eggs in a town half way around the world.  Consumed with his own selfish desire, he sold everything he had to book a passage on a ship and journeyed to this place he had heard so much about.
When he arrived he saw a town flourishing with wonderfully extravagant shops, houses, and attire everywhere.  In the middle of the town there was a small home made of luxurious and expensive materials. People would stop in and visit whomever lived in the home.  The greedy man was so full of curiosity that he quickly moved to examine this miniature house that appeared to be made for a small person.  Inside was a beautiful goose that sat and laid the most beautiful golden eggs.  Each day the goose would lay one egg and each day whenever the eggs became too numerous the towns people would go and collect them.  The most unusal thing was the this goose appeared to have something in its throat because about every minute or so, it would crane its necks, chomp the air as if choking, then settle down again.  All the towns people loved the goose and only took the golden eggs when they were beginning to crowd the goose.
One night the greedy man crept into the goose's house, clamped his hand around the goose's beak and stole away with it.  He fled into the hills and watched the goose day after day.  Each day he noticed the goose was getting thinner and thinner.  No matter what the greedy man brought the goose, the goose refused to eat.  Finally after what seemed like weeks, the man returned with the goose and in frustration threw the goose back into the town.
The towns people were so glad to see their goose that tears of joy fell from their cheeks.  The goose seemed to go into a seizure.  It's mouth opened and closed dramatically and appeared to snap at nothing in the air.  Finally, after a few moments the goose settled down and the townspeople gathered around it.  The greedy man approached the crowd fearful that they might try to punish him for his deed, but they simply embraced him.
Finally the would-be thief found the courage to speak and asked why the goose didn't lay any eggs for him.  The inhabitants of the town replied that the goose was starving in his presence.  The goose fed on love.  The love that the townspeople showed for the goose and each other was what caused it to lay golden eggs.

Many people seek happiness in other people or things or circumstances, but fail to see that true joy doesn't come from those things, but the attitude we have toward those things and people.  If you decide to have children because you think they will make you happy, you are going to be sorely disappointed my friend.  You will not receive joy from your children.  The attitude you have toward your children will be the joy you receive.
Learn to love first first.  If you're like me, I didn't have a clue how to love myself, my wife, or anyone else for that matter.  I had to ask God to show me how to love.  He did and today I love my wife of 20 years more than I ever have before.  I learned to love my children because of the love God first had for little, old, imperfect me.

Today my children lay those eggs of joy for my wife and I to gather each day.  While our kids can and will get under our skin, it is our love for them that allows us all to make mistakes, forgive, and learn from those mistake.

 ¹¹If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? (Matthew 7:11, King James Version)

Man O God

The Basics

So far, I've talked a lot about fatherhood, but I haven't quite touched on the Godly part.  What does it mean to be Godly?  What makes one father Godly and another unGodly?  Keep in mind I'm not talking about being godly with a lower case "g", I'm talking about being a follower of the one true God, the creator of heaven and earth.  The King of kings, and Lord of lords is better known as Jesus Christ.  Instead of going off onto a theological discussion that will bore you to tears, I'm going to give it to you plainly and in Christ's own words.

Although there are a plethora of religions, sects, denominations, cults, and ideologies, there ultimately can only be one way.  If it were not so, then it would not matter one iota and they would all be for nothing.  So let's just look at the physical evidence.  Of all the religions of the world, Christianity stands out for two vital reasons.  First, ever other religion requires you to reach out to their god or gods.  You must perform rituals to appease their god(s) tastes.  Christianity stands out because it is God's attempt to reach out to you.  God realized that their isn't anything you or I can do to appease Him because "...all our righteousnesses is like filthy rags..." (Isaiah 64:6).  So God "gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16).  That means God reached out to you because you couldn't reach him no matter how hard you tried.  God came down to our level by becoming human and being tried just like us.  He suffered temptation, persecution, pain, loneliness, and death just like us but overcame in every area because he was blameless in all areas.
Secondly, you can travel the world and tour all the holy sites for every religion.  You will find the burial place of every great teacher of wisdom, philosophy, religion, and discipline.  You will find the resting place of Mohamed, Buddha, Mahavira, and a host of other wanna-be gods that are now in their graves.  Jesus Christ of Nazareth, however, is not in his grave, because he rose from the dead.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans5:8 (NIV)


Now that you have heard this you have only two choices: Follow him and become Godly, or close this page and be forever separated from his eternal love.  He will never force you into His loving arms, but he will wait patiently.  It is He that gives you the ability to love and to have joy that surpasses all understanding.

Man O God

How to Teach the Children (Part III)

I have to admit when I was about a year away from having a teenager in the house I was a little worried I might not be up to the task, but now that it's here, I can honestly say it's really not as bad as people make it out to be.  Granted I have raised my teenager according to everything I've spoken about in this blog so I do have an advantage - the Lord's guidance.   If you already have teens and are just now discovering the ideas in the blog, then you have your work cut out for you.  You'll have just a few short years to show your child that you are a man of your word.  You have to stop analyzing your past, get serious about being a man of God and find out what God's plan for your life is so that you can pass that knowledge over to the next generation - namely your children.
As my children grow, I try my best to give them glimpses of the road map ahead.  I try to tell them where our relationship will go as they grow, but I have to keep it simple, because I don't want them to feel overwhelmed or, (worse) bored.  So I explain it like this:
In the first years of life, my job as a father is to love them but also to firmly establish that my wife and I are the ones who are responsible for their emotional, spiritual, physical and mental growth.  My wife handles most of the emotional growth, but that doesn't exempt me from loving them with soothing words, hugs, kisses, and attention when they need it.  I am the spiritual head of my own household so I must make sure that my children know our God and love our God.  I make sure we are active in church, active in our neighborhood, and active in the Word of God.  I must make sure that my children grow physically by working to bring in an income to support their ravenous intake of food!  Finally, I must be sure to send them off to school and supplement that education with common worldly knowledge that they just won't learn in school.  They need to know how to wash dishes, drive, change a tire, make their bed, etc.

So in those early years, I have to paddle them, yes, but I also have to start them on this long journey.  They do not make their own decisions - my wife and I make them for them - PERIOD.

In the next stage of early childhood, we begin to allow them a few choices such as they are allowed to choose their clothes (with some guidance), they are allowed to have some free time to play as they choose, etc.  For the most part we still hover over them to make sure they are not taking advantage of what little freedom they have.

Now as teenagers, I have told my son that he is going to have to begin making real choices because he will have more freedom.  He knows and understands that his freedom comes with responsibility.  We allow the strings to become slack, but if he fails in his responsibilities we reel in that slack again.  He has already learned this the hard way several times, but he has learned not to make the same mistake twice.  I know what you're thinking - "You mean he knows how not to get caught!".  Remember in my earlier blog that I mentioned one act that would get an instant spanking?  Lying is highly discouraged in our home so that it is like second nature to tell the truth even if it comes with some consequences.  Our children understand this so we know we are getting the full picture when he tells us his story.

These teenage years have to become the proving ground of our children's ability to handle their own lives.  We need to begin loosening the reins of parenthood, but strongly guide their actions and remind them constantly that their actions now can bring permanent consequences.  My teen know that having a child at his age will seriously and permanently change his life now.  He knows that going to jail for theft, larceny, violence, etc. will seriously, and negatively change the course of his life.  I reassure my teen that we are still behind him and support him, but remind him that any choices he makes will ultimately hurt or help HIS life, and not so much ours.

Remember that the teenage years are some of the most stressful years of life so its important now, more than ever to shower them with love.  That tough love turns to understanding love and patient love.  Let them make some mistakes.  Let them learn, but be sure to remind them to always look to Christ for guidance above all things in their lives.

Man O God

How to Teach the Children (Part II)

So you made it past the "terrible two's" huh?  Personally, my kids never had terrible two's they somehow created terrible three's though...Anyway, by now you're little one is in the childhood stage which usually runs more or less from the age of 5 through 10.  Now, I'm using vague time frames here because each child is different and they tend to mature at various rates depending on how well you handled your fatherly business in part I.  If you're still raging at their lack of obedience, stop what you're doing, take a deep breath and give yourself some time to regroup. 
By now, you should not have to give too many harsh spankings because your child should know you mean business (if you've been consistent so far).  Things get a little less stressful during these years because your child will respect and love you as their daddy because you have clearly set the boundaries in the discipline department. 
Remember the word "discipline" is derived from the word "disciple" so you're actually raising little "you's".  If you've been molding your life around Christ, then you should be exhibiting Godly behavior and your child will follow your example. 
I remember some of the most wonderful times I had was when my first born was around 3 years old.  We would be at church, the music would be really kicking!  I would take my son to the front and dance around with him.  He and I would hold hands and jump around in a little circle to the music. He loved to do that and so did I.
He's now a teenager, but he hasn't forgotten his love for God because that's how I discipled him. 
So, back to those childhood years.  These years are critical to your child's growth because he or she will be developing their character during these years.  It will be up to you to mold them correctly because as they near the teenage years it will be more and more difficult to change their behavior; it will be ingrained into them.
Think of an oak tree for a moment.  When it first grows, it's easy to wrap a straight stick around the thin trunk to keep it growing straight and upright.  As it grows, the tree begins to form thicker branches and the trunk becomes nearly impossible to shift.  It has fully developed the shape of its trunk or foundation and if you try to change it, most likely it will become severely damaged or killed.
This is why those childhood years are also very important.  You will need to answer each and every question your child has.  Spend time developing your relationship with him or her.  Sit down and color with them.  Tell them stories and play games.  Remember that those things you now take for granted are brand new to them.  Those corny old jokes you knew in elementary school are probably funny to them.  Those little toys you became bored with as a teenager are GREAT for a little child so break out the jacks and the marbles.  And by all means never lie and never allow your child to lie to you.
We have a rule in our home.  Whenever I ask a question, our kids are expected to tell the truth no matter how scared they are of the consequences.  They know if they tell the truth, I may ground them, or maybe even pardon them with a warning, but if they lie all my kids know it is an AUTOMATIC spanking.  No questions asked.  This has kept my children out of so much trouble in school and home and with their friends.  Their teachers know they can expect honesty from my children so if there is ever a problem, they will approach my kids for accuracy.
Also, be sure to emphasize that love is so, so important in the life of your child.  Show them to love those that try to hurt them and pray for those that hate them.
My oldest son once came to me with a bully problem.  This one boy would always say mean things to my son and my son came to me with advice.  I told him, "Here's what you're going to do son.  I want you to take one of those fruit roll-ups from the pantry.  Put it in your backpack.  Tomorrow when you see this boy, take it out, tell him, "Here this is for you, I forgive you." and give it to him with a smile. 
I tell you my son was just as surprised as that boy.  His reaction was one of bewilderment and confusion, but he never picked on my son again.
This is because Jesus said, "love your enemies.  Pray for those who persecute you".  If you teach your children these and other lesson from Christ, they will grow strong in character and prosper in all things.

Man O God

How to Teach the Children (part I)

When I first thought about writing on discipline with children I thought I would write a few things, but the more I thought about it, I decided it was going to be more of a task that I first expected.  I'm going to split this topic up into four segments dealing with four different aspects of discipline.  Because children go through different stages in life.  These four stages are infancy, childhood, adolescence, and transition. 
Today I'll cover (probably) the most important stage - infancy.  While some experts may beg to differ with me on this subject, I'll stand firm on my belief because I have lived through it successfully with five children.  It has become something of an expectation whenever we go to a restaurant, store, or other public place that, almost without fail, someone randomly walks up to my wife or I and says, "Are these all YOUR children?!  They are so well behaved!"  We smile proudly, say, "Thank you" and give God all the credit for his teaching.   You may be asking right about now, "Okay what's the trick?" 
No trick.  You have to be able to read God's Word, apply it to your life and be consistent in everything you say and do in your life. 
I remember taking my son's (we only had two at the time) to my mother's house.  My oldest was about 22 months old and tended to get a little spoiled whenever we visited.  I would start my discipline routine...whenever my child gets out of line I have a three strike rule:

1. The first offense - A very mild, but firm "No. don't do that/touch that/go there"
2. The second offense - A stern and louder "No! I told you not to do that/touch that/go there!"
3. The third offense - A VERY vocal, "NO! NO! NO!  If you keep on next time you will get it!"
4. The fourth offense - I take my child to a private place (the next room, the bathroom, etc) and the get a spanking.  I would always use either a belt or a paddle, but never my hand.

I know most people will argue with me on this point but it doesn't matter.  What matters is that it worked with all five of my children.  They aren't seething with mental issues, they aren't rebelious kids, they don't even exibit violent behavior.  I exonerate those parents who will lovingly give their child a swat on the rear now rather than have that child take a bullet in the future because they never learned that bad behavior results in consequences.
Well for those of your that are folding your arms and puckering your lips in disgust I have this for you.  My mom and her husband, my late step-father once pulled me aside and told me that they disagreed with my methods and that I was not to raise my voice or spank my children at their house (true story ask my mom :-))  So for a couple of months I would not raise a finger to discipline them at their home.  It wasn't long before my kids realized they had full reign of the house and began to destroy it.  They quickly changed their minds about the discipline and I said, "Thank you.  I'll take care of this now"  My mom will be the first to defend my actions whenever someone says they don't think its right.
The infancy/toddler years are going to be trying for a father.  These children WILL test you.  Be ready for it.  Every one of my children tried (and failed) to find ways to manipulate me and my wife.  They watch everything you do and they remember almost as much!
Once my children figured out that I meant business and ALWAYS followed through, it was only a matter of time before the next one fell in line because the older siblings would talk to the "newbie" and say things like, "Oh boy you're gonna get it now" or "Wait till dad hears about this". 
My children always tried this at public places because they figured I couldn't spank them in public without making a scene.  Here's what I would do:
Whenever my child would begin throwing a fit at the table at a restaraunt or store, I would use the three strike rule unless they started screaming at the top of their lungs.  You'll see this a couple of times.  NEVER EVER reward this type of behavior by giving your child what they want or giving them candies and such.  If you do they will continue to do it over and over again.  Anyway, I would calmly stand up from my chair without an expression on my face.  No anger, no yelling, no sudden movements.  Calmly picked up my screaming, kicking toddler and walked briskly to the restroom.  Once inside I would pick stall, stand my child up, stoop or squat down and very firmly point a finger saying, "Now YOU listen to ME.  You will stop this RIGHT NOW or I will give you a good spanking for it do you understand?!"  Wait for a response. "Now why are going to wait here until you stop this screaming/crying and then we are going to go back outside.  You are going to sit in your chair, eat your food, and not say another word until you finish are we clear?!  Good.  now let's wipe your face and clean you up.  Are you ready now?  Okay."  The looks on people's faces in the restaraunt was priceless.  The awe spoke volumes.  I would came back, sit my child down, place a napkin over their lap and sit down next to them to eat.  Its funny thinking about it now, but at the time I took it very seriously.
While I can go on about my adventures with my toddlers, I can't fit it all into this posting.  The main thing to remember is that your infant needs to get used to the sound of your voice so that he/she can recognize when you are not pleased about something.  You should never spank an infant because they will not comprehend why they are feeling pain and also you will most definitely cause an injury.  Toddlers, however, do understand and will purposefully attempt to gauge how much they can get away with.  Believe it or not children will appreciate those boundries and will come to love and respect you for it.  Here are a few rules for if and when you ever have to dole it out:

• Never spank out of anger or frustration.  Give yourself time to calm down so you can explain why they are receiving such a punishment.
• Always follow through; if you said you would do it then do it.  Don't back down because they will see you as a pushover or worse - not a man of your word.
• Always shower your child with love even after a spanking so they know you love them dispite the harsh punishment.  I always had a mental rule that for every spanking I had to give I would give 10 times as many hugs, kisses, and "I love you's" in any combination.
• Always be mindful that you spank only on the bottom.  Never slap, pinch, kick, punch or spank on other body parts.  The buttocks is full of cushion (that's why we can spend so much time on it! ;-)) so take your time and do it right
• Never let anyone make you feel guilty about spanking.  These are your children and only you know how best to deal with them. 

For some unknown reason my wife cannot understand, the children seemed to love me more whenever I corrected them.  She would look so confused because only 3 minutes after a spanking my child would be sitting next to me holding me as if I were the world to them.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proberbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Got comments?  Let 'em rip.

Man O God